My Journal September 25-30 2009

My Journal September 25th 2009

After reading my journal entries over the last two weeks, I have officially decided that I am depressed.

The question I really must ask myself though, is whether or not this is really depression, or if it could be burn out. When I think back , I have not given myself permission to take more than one day off in the last five months.

There were a few days scattered here and there that I had something else going on, and I didn't work on my website, but I always at least checked my traffic stats, and thought of new ideas. Except for when I moved, but then I was moving, and writing out my ideas on paper until I could connect my internet service back up.

So for the last five months I have worked in conjunction with trying to keep my life afloat, and deal with all the stress that has been dumped on me over the past year without any real time off. I have to wonder if giving myself permission to let my website go for one week ....completely...will help me come out of this exhaustion.

I have decided to give it a try. That means that I will have to completely let go of my site until October 2nd. I have faith that the publishing program I am using will keep it afloat until I return.

I may do journal entries for this week when I return..or.. I may just report that I took the day off for the rest of this page. Either way, for the next 7 days my focus will be on getting some much need rest.

My Journal September 26th 2009

I took the day off today, and got some rest. Nothing incredibly good or bad happened today, But I am still struggling with feelings of depression.

My Journal September 27th 2009

Again, I took the day off but I spent the entire day helping Michelle clean the apartment. Apparently she deep cleans once a week. It was particularly messy because she had her stuff from her room in the living room because her room is still a mess from us moving in, and her transferring everything from our room to theirs.

So it was an all day task, and our bedrooms still aren't done. Too much stuff in too little space.

My Journal September 27th 2009

Today Charlotte went to outdoor school, which is a field trip type of thing where students at her school go to a campsite overnight for a week to learn about the outdoors up close and personal.

I don't feel good about sending her off for a week, but I didn't want to deprive her of the opportunity. Michelle went to visit someone too, so I got some alone time tonight. I think it was very needed and I got a chance to collect some of my thoughts.

My Journal September 28th 2009

I got more alone time today. I spent a lot of time talking to friends online though. Robyn has been lending a sympathetic ear as he always does. He told me he was worried because it has been a really long time since I have been this depressed and showing the behavior that I have been lately.

It really helps to know that he understands and wants me to come out of it. Him and Sammy gave me a lot of support tonight. They are the two people I can say anything to without fear of being judged. What I can't tell Robyn I can tell Sammy. It's not really that I can't tell either one of them anything, but some things can be expressed to a woman that could never be understood by a man, just as some things can be expressed to a man that can't be expressed to a woman.

They have both proven themselves to be very valuable people in my life. I hope they are around for the rest of it.

My Journal September 29th 2009

I broke my promise to myself to take today off, because I remembered that I had built this page of my website, but I didn't build a link to it!

So I logged in, saw that my stats are maintaining themselves, and wrote out this weeks journal entries before building a link to this page.

I may go ahead and take till the 3rd off to may up for it.